Fifty Shades of Holy Crap!

February is a special month for couples (or so they say) for obvious reasons. For some people it is extra special because last February 13, the film adaptation of the talk-of-the-town Fifty Shades trilogy was released. A friend in the office has been pestering me to watch it with her, but eventually went to see the movie with one of our friends. Since she was convincing me to join them in the cinema until the last minute, I, not having read the book, decided to check it out on the internet. 

Apparently, the Fifty Shades trilogy was originally a fan fiction of Stephen Meyer's Twilight Saga entitled Master of the Universe before E.L James rewrote it as her original piece. This fact gave me a light bulb moment, thinking "Oh, I see! That's why!" 

I didn't read the whole book (I don't plan to) but I did read the summary of the whole trilogy and handful excerpts available in the internet. Reading them made me cringe and at the same time laugh. It is not that I'm berating the authoress but the whole plot sans the BDSM theme is a rip off from a typical preteens romantic fantasy. I wished it should have stayed as a fan fiction - that way, I might even praise it. The sheer effort of putting up a story with multiple chapters is commendable enough. But to get it published and be compared to Anne Rice's works is almost a crime.

When I was in the university, I read fan fictions more than I read  my course books. The likes of Fifty Shades of Grey is something you could easily stumble upon by typing the right keywords on Google. It is a template story in which you key in the name of the characters then you decide which industry the leading man is in as long as he is filthy rich, grossly multi-talented, dashingly handsome, outwardly cold and romantically possessive and lastly, you insert a meek, naive and innocent girl who reads romantic novels and whose charm is her inexperience. As they say, you can never go wrong with cliches!

Adding BDSM into the mix is what held the adult audience, specially women, captivated and the book has become their guilty pleasure. Reading the book could mean exploring their sexuality and discovering their inner goddess (scoffs). I read comments and reviews around the internet telling the non-supporters to be open minded about subculture sexual lifestyles specially BDSM. But did the Fifty Shades trilogy do a good job representing the BDSM community? I think not. While the vast arrays of toys and BDSM paraphernalias are spot on,   the line "Because I'm fifty shades of fucked - up Anastasia" made raise my brow. Apparently,one needs a childhood trauma or be fucked up as  a valid psychological premise for becoming a practitioner of BDSM. My knowledge about BDSM is next to nothing but I've watched few documentaries about it. Individuals practicing BDSM is your everyday people. There are no special prerequisites in order to participate on such relationship. All you need is to be knowledgeable about it and then give your consent.  In short, BDSM is a preference.

The main problem with the Fifty Shades trilogy is not the  BDSM theme or the overrated Cinderella story plot but the fact that it is poorly written. I'm not an expert here but as an individual whose hobbies are reading and writing, I know that no decent writer would use "Holy Crap", "Holy Cow", "Holy Shit" or "Holy -Insert Whatever Word Here-  repetitively throughout their novels. I'm glad I didn't read the book. It'll be like reading a printed typical erotic web fiction after paying it for Php455. You could actually find original stories and fan fictions with the same theme that are written way better online and it would cost you nothing.

While personally, I have nothing against the book, what frustrates me here is that this series is getting  all these undeserved praises as an erotic romance book and creating another stereotypes about BDSM and female sexuality in general. It is really sad that there are many amateur and aspiring talented writers working very hard to get their works published and then we get this atrocity in the shelves of our favorite bookstores - this leaves a bad taste in the mouth.

A Box of Takoyaki

I'm a firm believer that things happen for a reason. Reasons that we may or may not understand. Reasons that we may never discover until we die. Reasons that we may or may not see even when it's staring right into our faces. It is a tiny piece of miracle that we refuse to acknowledge because we may deem it  not valuable. It is like a small drop of rain that can't even rival your sweat during a scorching hot summer day. A small speck of dust fluttering with the morning breeze that will disappear even before it hit any surface. It is like a passing thought of hope in the midst of great tragedy. No wonder why the wise guys call us blind. 

I'm gonna share a simple story that had happened not more than two hours ago. It is nothing out of ordinary. It is something that you will normally dismiss and you may not even waste a couple second of your life to think about it.

As I made my way home, I stopped by a takoyaki stand and bought two take-out boxes, each containing four pieces. I bought two boxes thinking that one may not be enough for I was so tired and hungry from the work. The scenario I had in my mind - the moment I got home I will devour those boxes of takoyaki, clean myself and then sleep. However, twenty-three minutes after that wonderful thought, I found myself handing out the other box to a boy who had been sitting in corner of the street beside a fastfood. 

Taking my story 5 minutes earlier, I was walking down the dirty street of Aurora Boulevard to get to where the jeepneys bound to the direction of our barangay are parked. It was then that I happen to passed by a kid who has been sitting for God-knows-how-long on the side of the street.

He was not the usual dirty and rude street children that you often see on the street of Metro Manila. He's a little cleaner and you would think that he was just an ordinary kid sulking in the corner, until you see his feet. His feet were very dirty and he had no sleepers. With his pathetic expression, he was looking at his fingers as he seemed to be trying to make cracking noise by bending them towards his palms. 

I walked pass by him hesitantly. I know in my heart that I should not ignore him. But my stay in the city for a year conditioned my mind to think that this kind of scenarios are pretty normal and that I couldn't do anything about it. Yes. I do help them sometimes, but those times where mostly when I was still new to the big city. As time pass, "sometimes" was reduced to "occasionally". 

However, I always have soft spot for kids so I took three steps back then started to walk towards him. When I stopped on his front, it took him a few second to look up. He stared at me with his innocent clouded eyes and gave me wondering look. I asked him "Boy, gutom ka?" then offered one box of takoyaki to him. He nodded hesitantly and took the box. For a split of second he looked at me then immediately bowed shyly and mumbled a thanks. I left him and hurriedly made my way to the jeepneys.

I really wanna cry at that time. If you ask me why, my answer would be a loud "Why the hell not?"  I know why I wanna cry but I'm not sure if I could explain it in a way that you could understand. "Mixed feelings" is the overrated description.

I know it seemed a very small thing. But I bet, for that kid, it isn't. Yes. It may be just be a box of takoyaki which is worth not more than thirty pesos. It is a box of an innocent shy yet thankful smile of a kid who probably most likely doesn't have a home. 

Honestly, I do not pity him. In fact I admire him. I, who have been fortunate enough to be born with a roof above my head, fortunate enough to be fed and clothed. I did not experience the harshness of the world in a way that he did so I will not fully understand his pains. My mind could perceive the reality of his life but it cannot grasp the thought and the feeling of being in that kind of reality. I could just shrug it off and say "That's life." But a part of me keeps saying " Is it how it should really be?" 

Looking back I wish I would have sat and ate with him. I could have asked his name. But I didn't have not the courage to do so. Maybe the reason why I wanted to cry is because, despite of my half-assed kindness, he returned it with a small yet thankful smile that I rarely see on the faces of the people I see in my daily life. He wore a hesitant yet sincerely thankful expression. It is an expression of someone who rarely experiences kindness from others. It reminded me of a part of myself and the people who taught me how to be kind by being kind to me. 

Maybe the real reason why I bought two boxes is not because I was as hungry as I thought. Maybe, I bought two boxes so that I could give the other one to him. Then in turn, I would be reminded of important lessons in life that I somehow forgotten. Whatever the reason is, I believe that something beautiful had happened tonight.

Enough of the blabber. I should sleep now.

Sabotage

Cut by my own words;

Ignored by my own ears;

Drowned by my own laughter;

Blinded by my own eyes.

Alas! I declare myself as an enemy!

Dig deeper and you will see,

How the innocent is not really so;

How crudeness could express the best thought.

Am I not worthy of myself?

Dig deeper and be surprised.

My greatest rival don't be deceived.

Stabbed by my very own hand;

Patched up by the very same ones.

Oh how I seek honesty

and yet lie to myself.

You are my thoughts yet you are not.

Why have you come to war

 with nothing but your bare hands?

A gun against your heart;

A knife against my throat.

See me as a great adversary.

For it is how I see you.

Am I not worth it?

Million Shades of Life: Understanding Life

Your living is determined not so much by what life brings to you as by the attitude you bring to life; not so much by what happens to you as by the way your mind looks at what happens. 

~ Kahlil Gibran  

Every one was born with senses and intellect to perceive the world before us. And with these we establish our own understanding, beliefs and values. We develop our own personalty and attitude, and condition our minds to our liking. We are  free to lead the life we wanted from the moment we were born or that's how I'd like to think. You may say that reality dictates otherwise and perhaps you are right. However, be it as it may, you shouldn't forget that you are still your own decisions. You may find yourself in different situations, be it be a good one or a bad one, but you must not forget that a part of you, if not the whole of you, has consented to it.

Life will throw you to a limbo of repetitions and monotonous routine that will stealthily wear you down and before you know it, you have lost the ability to see life in colors. Life will give you problems and false hopes that will eventually blind you of what real happiness means. It will leave you skeptical, unsatisfied and numb. Life will tire you down and you will then die of old age not knowing that there is more to life than it's scheming face. Life, like people, has many faces; like a song, it has many tunes; like a color, it has many shades. Life itself  is the complete 360-degree revolution. 

I heard from somewhere that if you think you understand life, you should think again. Understanding life itself shouldn't be anybody's concern - that's what I think. You'll just be wasting your time because in order to fully understand life you must see it through the eyes of more than seven billion people. You must see through the eyes of the forgiving and yet at the same time through the eyes of people who hold grudges as if it is their lifelines; through the eyes of  a vagabond and the eyes of a well-sheltered prince; through the eyes of the oppressed and at the same time the eyes of a tyrant. In order to fully understand life itself, you must also understand every single person walking about the surface of the earth.  While I can't say it is impossible, I am very confident to say that it is nowhere possible. 

Did you ever wonder why people were born differently? raised differently? sees differently? Everyone is born to posses a set of senses that will allow them to perceive the world in a way that should be different from others. It is to show other people, what the world looks like, how it feels like looking and feeling through the senses other than their own. 

We were born with limited knowledge of the things around us but with limitless understanding of other people's emotions and feelings (could be what we call empathy) because perhaps we were not created to understand the workings of life but to appreciate life itself. How? By continually trying to understand and empathizing with others and at the same time not losing sight of ourselves. But in order to do that, we must first know our true selves. The key here is to be always honest to ourselves and to understand our own nature. 

We must discover the inner workings of our mind instead of the inner workings of life. What we may discover may scare us but running away from it will be running away from life itself. Perhaps we could only understand life by understanding our own. 

And as the opening quote has stated, leading our own life is what life is all about. It is not letting life itself lead our own lives. It is all about how we react and how we look at whatever life dishes to us. Remember that life has different shades and that it is the complete 360-degree revolution. If things get  blurry and tough, try looking at it in a different light while turning it on a certain angle.  You might well be surprised about what you might see.

*A/N: I'm not sure if what I just wrote make sense and if it's just my usual ramblings. If anyone will take time to read this, please leave a comment.

Bonds

I fly through the curves of the wind,

And my laughter echoes in the heavens.

“Yes my child, rejoice” God told me,

“Feel the world below you.

So beautiful and pure.

You are one with the wind.

A dweller in the sky.

You are the clouds that float around;

The rain that falls;

The little shy dew drops in the morning of December.”

I understand the faltering of the wind.

When will it rain;

When will it stop;

It tickles the bone in my back.

I see when you are about to cry;

I hear when you rejoice inside.

I am one with the world;

As I am one with you.

“Yes” God said, “You are all one.”

Introduction

I've got a lot in my mind. No, not worries, not wants, not problems. It's just full of something. Anything. Everything. Things I understand and things that I don't. Sometimes it's more of the latter. But sometimes, it's something that I understand and yet can't put into words. There are times I speak of them and yet it seemed so foreign to others. My mind is full of inner conversations, ramblings and arguments. Some of them, I took part but some , I just watch. It's almost funny for me that I witness myself talking to myself and yet I am not involved. I've got a lot in my mind, and when I start to speak of them, I choke as I struggle to find the right words.

I am not good in writing nor I am exceptionally smart. I am just a normal person with a slightly abnormal way of thinking and outlook in life. The reason I created this blog is to express my thoughts, randomly rant and organize my ideas that will  eventually let me solve my own mystery. In Million Shades of Life, I will talk about life in general and many things in particular. Now, aren't I articulate? Well, it's just that I will talking about lot of things under the sun.

This is my blog and everything in it will be written on my own perspective and opinion based on my principles, beliefs and any other third thing. It may sound lame and it maybe be really lame. But hey, I still think it is awesome so it probably is.